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Encountering refusal, especially when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. An editor is turning you down, giving a clear “No.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to setbacks. I started submitting manuscripts 50 years back, upon college graduation. Since then, I have had two novels turned down, along with book ideas and numerous pieces. During the recent two decades, focusing on commentary, the denials have only increased. In a typical week, I get a rejection frequently—adding up to over 100 times a year. In total, denials over my career number in the thousands. At this point, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

So, is this a complaining tirade? Far from it. Since, now, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

For perspective: Now, just about each individual and others has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—it would be very discouraging.

A case in point: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 submissions one after another before accepting one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 book publishers declined my memoir proposal before one accepted it. Later on, 25 agents declined a nonfiction book proposal. One editor requested that I submit potential guest essays less often.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

Starting out, every no hurt. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing being rejected, but myself.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, surprise. What went wrong? How could these people be ignore my ability?
• Second, refusal to accept. Surely it’s the wrong person? It has to be an mistake.
• Then, dismissal. What do editors know? Who made you to decide on my efforts? It’s nonsense and the magazine is poor. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at them, then anger at myself. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (often mixed with delusion). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. What’s more, I can never become any good.

This continued over many years.

Notable Company

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Tales of authors whose manuscripts was originally turned down are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was initially spurned. If they could overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his youth squad. Many Presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in elections. The actor-writer estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were rejected 1,500 times. “I take rejection as an alarm to wake me up and persevere, instead of giving up,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, upon arriving at my later years, I entered the last step of setback. Understanding. Today, I more clearly see the multiple factors why someone says no. For starters, an editor may have already featured a like work, or have something in the pipeline, or be considering that idea for someone else.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is uninteresting. Or maybe the evaluator feels I am not qualified or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the wares I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and reviewed my piece hastily to appreciate its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Everything can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Many reasons for denial are always beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Additional reasons are under your control. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be flawed. They may not resonate and appeal, or the point I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or an aspect about my writing style, notably semicolons, was offensive.

The point is that, despite all my years of exertion and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve authored two books—the initial one when I was 51, my second, a memoir, at 65—and in excess of numerous essays. My writings have featured in magazines large and small, in local, national and global sources. My first op-ed was published in my twenties—and I have now submitted to that publication for 50 years.

Yet, no bestsellers, no signings publicly, no features on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily handle no at 73, because my, small successes have cushioned the blows of my setbacks. I can now be thoughtful about it all today.

Instructive Setbacks

Rejection can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what insights have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What